I can’t feel my toes

I don’t much care for cold weather like I don’t much care for a swift kick to the groin.  Winter bites, and stings, and pinches.  Winter is a proctologist with big hands.  Winter is a miscreant, and snow is its dagger.  It’s a bully looking for lunch money.  I loathe it…loathe the thought.  I don’t even enjoy ice in my drinks.  Socks cover my feet until April.  Hell is cold. 

(It’s snowing as I write this, which has me in a particularly foul mood)

I have good reasons for such strong distaste.  First of all, I have no body fat at all.  None whatsoever.  I lack any trace of natural insulation.  I believe that this is due to the fact that I burn more calories chewing my food, than I absorb. 

Secondly, I can remember walking to the bus stop in January as a kid, and it being so cold I could begin to feel my bone marrow crystallize.  Terrorizing, I assure you.  My school bus had 3 windows that defiantly refused to stay closed, making the ride to school even colder than my walk.  My left ear actually snapped off in the seventh grade.    Occasionally my mother would drive me to school, but not unless the temperature was under 20 degrees.  It’s really the only time in my life I’ve prayed (to Mr. Frost Miser of course) for mercy, in the form of a drop in temperature.

One may ask why, if I find the cold so objectionable, do I continue to live in Boston.  This is a good question.  One that I don’t immediately have an adequate answer to.  I suppose you could also ask why, if one feared crime, would they choose to live in Detroit, or why, if you had an allergy to silicone, would you choose to live in L.A.  Questions without answers, I assure you.  Perhaps in my own situation, the only answer I can give is that it gives me a really good reason to piss and moan for at least 6 months of the year.  And oh how I love pissing and moaning (it’s my favorite).  I may one day move to a warmer climate……and piss and moan about the heat.  But until then…

 

All good things about Winter happen indoors… and south of here.